Boxing day bullshit

I hate boxing day. I always have. it's a day made up by big corperations so they can sell more products. The main reason i hate boxing day is because if you have a legitimate reason to go out and buy something everyone is out buying a whole bunch of crap! take todays boxing day for example, i was dragged out shopping by my mom because apperently she needed help. we went into the local (well not really local it's a 15 minute drive) Wal-mart and there were old people everywhere! If you've read some of my other blogs you'll understand that i don't like old people, and i hate the average wal-mart customer even more. they seem to not grasp that a shopping cart and a narrow aisle don't mix, especially if there's another person coming the other way and there's no room to pass, and yelling at each other seems to make a difference to them. and weeeeeeeeeeeeee! two cents off chrismas tuna! lets all crowd around because it'll never be that cheap again. and people! learn to freaking put stuff back on the shelf!!! it's not that hard. Damned holiday season! i hate it! don't get me wrong though...i love christmas, i just hate the season and the people.
-Matt

Chain letters: The Cancer of the Internet

You wake up one day and go to check your e-mail, you log on expectingmaybe an e-mail from one of your friends or possibly from family. As you check your inbox you discover an overly large amount of e-mails that are no more then chainletters. they're annoying, stupid, and they take up valuable space. you have to wonder who makes them? who would actually take the time to create one. recently i recieved one that pecticularly annoyed me...

It's Friday night and you are driving your car. ( what kind of car are you driving?) (YOU ARE THE DRIVER!!!) You can only have FOUR other people in the car with you. ( who is in the car with you?) As you drive, you and your friends start chillin to some music. ( what song are you all listening to?) So, there you are chillin to some music with four other people all of a sudden this crazy driver hits you in the back! You are flying down the road out of control. You hit a speed bump and the car flips and lands upside-down in the grass beside the road. You lay there crying because you are in so much pain You hear nothing but silence. silence silence silence. You try to yell out to your friends, but you are in so much pain and shock the words won't come out. You lay there for about 2 minutes, but to you it seems like 60 minutes. You finally hear something. You hear the ambulance and you have never felt more relieved. You lay there, still in the car, thinkin about your family, friends, School, past holidays, old friends, old lovers You start to pray for the other people in the car and for yourself. The paramedics get you out of the car, put you on a stretcher, and then into the ambulance. you see nothing and hear nothing but a void....you are alone You don't get a chance to see the other people that were in the car with you As they drive to the hospital, you pray and think to yourself "Am I going to die?" Where are my friends? Are they okay? What's going to happen to me.......? Did you die or not? What happened to your friends that were in the car with you......? They all died. All of the other people in the car died. They are all gone. You'll never get to see them again. As for you... you died too. Wait you were just imagining....right ? But what if it were real? What if it really happened to you? Think about it.... That car was the LAST car you were EVER in with your friends. Those four people were the LAST people you EVER saw. Did you pick the four people in the car with you wisely... or do you wish that someone else was in the car with you? The song you were chillin to was the LAST song you EVER heard. Don't you wish you could have had the chance to tell everyone you loved them? Don't you wish you could have told your parents you loved them one last time? Don't you wish you could have kissed your boy/girlfriend one last time? Don't you wish you could have told your crush how much you loved them? Don't you wish you could hug your friends one last time? Don't you wish you had the chance to do all of those things? You still do. Send this email to everyone you love, hate,... friends, family, even enemies. Just send this to everyone you know. This really didn't happen to you. But, pray for all of the people that it DID happen to. AND remember this quote: "Live every day to its fullest......" and when someone says that they love you, know the meaning of it and mean it when you say it too.

now is it just me or did it just ask you to pick 4 friends that would die with you? now i don't know about the rest of you but i wouldn't want any of my friends to die with me. why would anybody want 4 of their friends to die with them just so they were the last 4 ppl they saw? I really hate chain letters...but i hate ppl who believe them even more. how can an e-mail in any way shape or form affect your life? seriously, sending an e-mail won't give you good luck or good sex. and not sending it won't cause you to be shot by an albino midget. i think people who send them should be dragged out into the street and shot dammit!
-Matt

The Oddities of the Human Race

Most of my female friends are probably going smack me after reading this blog, actually almost all of them will because they do anyway on a regular basis. AS you can probably tell, this blog bashes women. It was actually an essay for English but I decided to share it with all you bloggers out there. I got 80% on this bugger so enjoy...

The battle of the sexes involving the normality of men and the abnormality of women is directly proportioned to the actions of said sexes. Taking into account the emotions and complex verbal and non-verbal communications used by women to confuse and disorient men, the conclusion has been drawn that all persons of said feminine sex are oddities. In other words, all women are very strange.

One abnormality of females is their unfounded fear of being alone. They seem to take the term “strength in numbers” entirely too seriously. For instance, women can’t go to the bathroom alone. But perhaps it isn’t that women are afraid to be alone; maybe they need coaching? The fear of being solitary goes to such great extents that women will stay on the phone for hours to avoid realizing their temporary position as a hermit. Most of the time spent on the phone is used for the exchange of gossip. The transaction of abnormally juicy gossip can be identified by the use of “like, oh my god!” which will be repeated several times throughout the conversation.

Confusing and frustrating men seems to be a favorite pass time for women, it’s as if seeing a man have a nervous breakdown amuses them. Women expect a guy to read minds. He must know exactly what to do in every situation, even a new one, and he has to know exactly what the problem is from a simple “hello”. Another example is what men have unofficially dubbed “The Question of Doom”. This question has no right answer. At first when asked if a woman is fat the first response is to say no. The problem with this is if “no” is said to fast the man will be accused of trying to cover something up, but if no is said to slowly his hesitation will be taken as a yes. And of course it does not need to be mentioned what would happen if the response actually were yes. If a man compliments any female she will over analyze what he said and from a compliment about her hair she will take it to mean something as drastic as he hates her and is moving to Africa. Probably the most frustrating thing that women do is get ready to go out. It seems that getting ready must be done in no less then two hours else the whole world will end. Their whole outfit must be laid out before them and the colors must compliment each other perfectly. Which brings up another point, white is white, there is no eggshell, no mother of pearl, no anything! It’s all white, women seem to think that a prettier name makes it a different color, and they get annoyed at men who say that sea foam is just light green.

Anything mechanical seems to elude women. To women a car is just a jumble of metal that gets you from point A to point B. When the oil light comes on the thought of actually changing the oil occurs to them, the problem can be solved simply with a piece of tape over the light. Power tools are all hammers that are in various shapes and sizes. It doesn’t matter what the actual use of the tool is, as long as it can drive a nail into wood it’s a hammer.

Some strange habits women have make no sense to the opposite sex, such as shopping. To women, shopping is a competitive sport. Nothing seems to beat the thrill of rushing through a store with a shopping cart racing to the bargain bins just to get socks for two cents cheaper than usual. Another habit is how women seem to have a shoe for every situation. No matter their mood, time of day or weather, they have a shoe specifically for it. Bugs are another one, it’s unbelievable how they can be afraid of something that’s a mere fraction of their size. Most bugs can’t harm you in anyway, yet women seem to be petrified of them.

It truly is amazing how the survival of the human race relies on something so strange. A woman might argue that men are worse then women, but at least we can go to the bathroom alone and aren’t in a constant state of paranoia that we will be mobbed by viscous ladybugs.

I'm well aware that some of you female readers are probably wondering how i got such a good mark on this, sometimes i wonder the same thing. but just because i want to mention it, my teacher is Mrs. Woods, and she hates me because of my little incidents that always occur that seem to piss her off. but she gave me 80 on this sucker and she is female (at least she appears to be) so that has to mean something.
-Matt

Fecking Pedestrians

Well today i went out shopping, as i was leaving superstore i witnessed someone doing something extremely stupid. Actually lets give you a bit of background info first. As a small child i was told to always look both ways before crossing a street. And now-a-days they have this little thingy called "Pause Point Proceed" now where in that does it tell you to check. Most people having common sense will understand that you shoud always look before you walk out on to the road. Except for this one old lady, she stopped, looked straight ahead and pointe across the street, then started walking, giving no head to the car that was coming very fast up on her right. to top it off she was hidden behind a parked van. fortunately the car stopped in time, but this old lady didn't even know it, she just kept on walking like a heterosexual man would when going by a gay bar. this is bullshit! yes i know that in Alberta the pedestrian has the right of way but, fuck! right of way or no right of way you don't just walk out on a street when there are thousands of pounds a metal rushing about at outrageous speeds. i like Quebec's way of doing it, the car has the right of way. you step out on that street and 5 cars swerve to hit you. and i don't think people here know the meaning of a crosswalk, they just go on the street where ever they want. i think that you should be allowed to hit pedestrians that piss you off. just like...
"Fucking person just walked in front of me when i'm driving!"
**WHACK**
"that'll learn that bastard to use a crosswalk"
of course if they die then they won't be using the cross walk anyway, but if they die that means they won't be walking out in the middle of the road either.
-Matt