The lowest common denominator
There's always something that can piss you off faster then anything else. Something, that no matter what the situation, will worsen your day just upon the mention of it. Something that irks you to no end and that frustrates you immensely. With me, it's the customers at the world-famous (maybe not world) "Wal-mart". I've been thinking this over quite a lot and I have put most customers into general classifications and then color coded them...minus the color coding but here goes...
The Bargain Hunter:
The bargain hunter is of course just that. Most of the time an elderly woman (there are exceptions), the bargain hunter can be found lurking through the aisles on a quest for the lowest prices, buying items that normal people would almost never need because it's on sale. The bargain hunter will abstain from purchasing products if they can save even a few cents buying it somewhere else. The bargain hunter is easily recognizable by the fact that they have a cart full of Uncle Joe's turtle wax, BIG JIM'S Q-tips, and extra strength horse tranquilizer.
The WIDE LOAD
The Wide Load is usually a middle aged outrageously overweight person that seems to enjoy perusing the aisles at a crawl and of course they must be right in the middle of the aisle as to avoid hitting the shelves with their oversized load. The Wide Load always seems to have the uncanny ability to stop in front of the exact shelf that you need to get to and seem to spend a long time there for no apparent reason, although research has shown that they may be trying to catch their breath from over exerting themselves. Research has also shown that provoking a wide load may cause them to jiggle with fury.
The Defiler
Defilers have no specific characteristics, the only time you can identify one is when you catch them in action. A defiler is the type of person that opens up all the containers to see what's really in side, they undo all the seals and then place the product back on the shelf and take a brand new box. Sometimes they must open up multiple boxes of the same product just to be sure that they are all the same. Unfortunately this leaves the product even more vulnerable to the next group of customers.
The Scavenger
The Scavenger is never seen in action and while almost the same as a run of the mill shoplifter there are some key differences. A scavenger will take only parts of a whole product, not the entire thing. They seem to take key pieces that when missing render the product useless but have no actual use on their own. Even an unopened container is not safe from a scavenger, they have the innate ability to open and close a container flawlessly.
The Mother Hen
This person brings their children with them everywhere and unfortunately these are always the most ill mannered misfits imaginable. The mother hen only ever reacts in two ways, either beating the children (or at least threatening to) or completely ignoring the children and annoying every other person around them. This person is also the type of person that believes that it's a bright idea to take 1 to 5 year old children out all day and expect them not to do anything.
The Stink Monger
The stink monger is quite possibly the most disgusting and revolting person you can imagine. They are the type of person that has never heard of bathing and they also believe that health care products are a waste of money. They seem to also like being in close proximity to other people and also seem to never notice their own stench.
(and now I have writer's block so please excuse me as a bash my head against the keyboard
ksdfjkfssfsdfsjdklfhsdkjhflsdkjh[pfwertjkdcvrgubxc n,bn xctyeruil.k.rgvfgfyyuuyygyygygysuawioldc
that's better except now it hurts.)
The Lost Fool
The lost fool is probably not as annoying to other customers as they are to Wal-mart employees. The lost fool will enter into any department and ask where a product is that could never ever be considered to be located anywhere in that department, for example someone asking for moth balls in the foods section. They are the type that go to the pets department and ask if the newest Yu-Gi-Oh or Bey blade shipment are in.
The Nit Picker
The nit picker must always pick only the type of product that shows no blemishes or scratches. The slightest discoloration of the plastic or a small fray in the fabric means that this item is no longer fit to be used by the nit picker. The nit picker has such high standards that nothing but the best will do for them...That's why they shop at Wal-mart.
The Sale Searcher
There is a difference between the sale searcher and the bargain hunter, while the Bargain hunter will buy things that they don't need because it's on sale, the sale searcher will only come for one thing and one thing only. The dilemma with this is that the sale searcher has a tendency to arrive late for a sale and then commence to whine about how the sale should still be on. After a long argument with an unfortunate employee the sale searcher will storm out of the store fuming mad about the injustice done upon them.
I seem to have only skimmed the surface of the types of customers that frequent Wal-mart but the ones that are not mentioned are no less annoying then those that were. my advice is either to just avoid Wal-mart or kick these people as you see them in the hopes that they can overcome their annoying ways.
-Matt
There's always something that can piss you off faster then anything else. Something, that no matter what the situation, will worsen your day just upon the mention of it. Something that irks you to no end and that frustrates you immensely. With me, it's the customers at the world-famous (maybe not world) "Wal-mart". I've been thinking this over quite a lot and I have put most customers into general classifications and then color coded them...minus the color coding but here goes...
The Bargain Hunter:
The bargain hunter is of course just that. Most of the time an elderly woman (there are exceptions), the bargain hunter can be found lurking through the aisles on a quest for the lowest prices, buying items that normal people would almost never need because it's on sale. The bargain hunter will abstain from purchasing products if they can save even a few cents buying it somewhere else. The bargain hunter is easily recognizable by the fact that they have a cart full of Uncle Joe's turtle wax, BIG JIM'S Q-tips, and extra strength horse tranquilizer.
The WIDE LOAD
The Wide Load is usually a middle aged outrageously overweight person that seems to enjoy perusing the aisles at a crawl and of course they must be right in the middle of the aisle as to avoid hitting the shelves with their oversized load. The Wide Load always seems to have the uncanny ability to stop in front of the exact shelf that you need to get to and seem to spend a long time there for no apparent reason, although research has shown that they may be trying to catch their breath from over exerting themselves. Research has also shown that provoking a wide load may cause them to jiggle with fury.
The Defiler
Defilers have no specific characteristics, the only time you can identify one is when you catch them in action. A defiler is the type of person that opens up all the containers to see what's really in side, they undo all the seals and then place the product back on the shelf and take a brand new box. Sometimes they must open up multiple boxes of the same product just to be sure that they are all the same. Unfortunately this leaves the product even more vulnerable to the next group of customers.
The Scavenger
The Scavenger is never seen in action and while almost the same as a run of the mill shoplifter there are some key differences. A scavenger will take only parts of a whole product, not the entire thing. They seem to take key pieces that when missing render the product useless but have no actual use on their own. Even an unopened container is not safe from a scavenger, they have the innate ability to open and close a container flawlessly.
The Mother Hen
This person brings their children with them everywhere and unfortunately these are always the most ill mannered misfits imaginable. The mother hen only ever reacts in two ways, either beating the children (or at least threatening to) or completely ignoring the children and annoying every other person around them. This person is also the type of person that believes that it's a bright idea to take 1 to 5 year old children out all day and expect them not to do anything.
The Stink Monger
The stink monger is quite possibly the most disgusting and revolting person you can imagine. They are the type of person that has never heard of bathing and they also believe that health care products are a waste of money. They seem to also like being in close proximity to other people and also seem to never notice their own stench.
(and now I have writer's block so please excuse me as a bash my head against the keyboard
ksdfjkfssfsdfsjdklfhsdkjhflsdkjh[pfwertjkdcvrgubxc n,bn xctyeruil.k.rgvfgfyyuuyygyygygysuawioldc
that's better except now it hurts.)
The Lost Fool
The lost fool is probably not as annoying to other customers as they are to Wal-mart employees. The lost fool will enter into any department and ask where a product is that could never ever be considered to be located anywhere in that department, for example someone asking for moth balls in the foods section. They are the type that go to the pets department and ask if the newest Yu-Gi-Oh or Bey blade shipment are in.
The Nit Picker
The nit picker must always pick only the type of product that shows no blemishes or scratches. The slightest discoloration of the plastic or a small fray in the fabric means that this item is no longer fit to be used by the nit picker. The nit picker has such high standards that nothing but the best will do for them...That's why they shop at Wal-mart.
The Sale Searcher
There is a difference between the sale searcher and the bargain hunter, while the Bargain hunter will buy things that they don't need because it's on sale, the sale searcher will only come for one thing and one thing only. The dilemma with this is that the sale searcher has a tendency to arrive late for a sale and then commence to whine about how the sale should still be on. After a long argument with an unfortunate employee the sale searcher will storm out of the store fuming mad about the injustice done upon them.
I seem to have only skimmed the surface of the types of customers that frequent Wal-mart but the ones that are not mentioned are no less annoying then those that were. my advice is either to just avoid Wal-mart or kick these people as you see them in the hopes that they can overcome their annoying ways.
-Matt
posted by Happy Death at 1:44 p.m.
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