tralalalalala
Woooo! This site got some attention. *giggles* don't worry Matt. I know people have lives and I do too (just I am choosing to ignore it again at the moment). I was just wondering when you would notice my bitching about the site. I don't seem to be doing a good job of blogging regularly either, but I seem to be able to usually blog every Sunday or so.
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY LOUIS! Just needed to say that. *throws confetti around*
Anyway, back to my non-comprehensible mumbling. I noticed that I have been getting more and more depressed and sick as the weeks go by. No matter how hard I try though, I can never sleep enough to even be able to consider it a nap. I'm trying hard to make it so that I will be able to have a set bedtime. Since I have never had one before this is a really hard task for me. I always have to be doing something because I have so much to do. Promises to keep and people that I can't let down. I am never on the Internet anymore because I have so much else to do. The other night I spent most of my computer time typing out a story for a friend, but I haven't even been able to say hi to him once in the last 3 weeks. My chat time has gone down even more so then I had hoped. I know he will be mad at me because I am never on at the same time as him the few times I am online. If I don’t talk to him soon then I will just end up having to email him so he can post it for me instead. That is another thing too. When I don't have time to go on my messengers then I don’t have any time whatsoever to post. I just started posting for about 1 hour last week on this one forum, but didn't get a chance to post again even once since then. The days need more hours. That’s the only way I will be able to restart my life and not create an even bigger backlog by collapsing from exhaustion. Someone told me that it was great that I am living life to the fullest, but I don’t see how he can say that. Everyday I wake up makes life worse. I can't stand the fact that I never get any sleep. Friday I kind of went delusional and started talking in French to my mom telling her that my stomach felt bad and I felt like puking. Then I collapsed onto her bed and feel asleep until she woke me up and helped me downstairs to go back to sleep instead of going to school. I have so much to do and I try to finish it all quickly but I can't seem to be able to do anything fast anymore because I have been slowing down seeing as I never sleep. I know that the best thing for me to do now is buckle down and do nothing but work until I feel as if I am getting my life back together and then I can have fun. Although the most fun I have had in the last month is yesterday when I went to see x-men with my friends. I felt relaxed… more so then I have in a while. It really was the first time I was able to just not have to deal why anything and not feel like my stomach was about to rip apart and I was about to burst into tears. I even turned off my cell during the movie so that any unexpected things could wait till later. Somehow I even stopped myself from worrying and was able to have FUN! I could breath… I could even… really laugh… and not just pretend. Well I do laugh at anyone who says that they admire me for the fact that no matter what I am always smiling. The truth is it's either I smile or I burst into tears… and I can't stand the way I look when I cry so no point in crying. I haven't even figured out everything that is going wrong right now, but it does seem as though Murphy's law applies to me too. Maybe later when I am in a happy mood, I will figure out how to fix everything. Bah I'm not going to bother rereading this to see if I sound pathetic of not. No point since I doubt anybody will read this whole thing anyway. Woo I have faith in this site ^_^
-Dark Lily 0>--}----
Woooo! This site got some attention. *giggles* don't worry Matt. I know people have lives and I do too (just I am choosing to ignore it again at the moment). I was just wondering when you would notice my bitching about the site. I don't seem to be doing a good job of blogging regularly either, but I seem to be able to usually blog every Sunday or so.
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY LOUIS! Just needed to say that. *throws confetti around*
Anyway, back to my non-comprehensible mumbling. I noticed that I have been getting more and more depressed and sick as the weeks go by. No matter how hard I try though, I can never sleep enough to even be able to consider it a nap. I'm trying hard to make it so that I will be able to have a set bedtime. Since I have never had one before this is a really hard task for me. I always have to be doing something because I have so much to do. Promises to keep and people that I can't let down. I am never on the Internet anymore because I have so much else to do. The other night I spent most of my computer time typing out a story for a friend, but I haven't even been able to say hi to him once in the last 3 weeks. My chat time has gone down even more so then I had hoped. I know he will be mad at me because I am never on at the same time as him the few times I am online. If I don’t talk to him soon then I will just end up having to email him so he can post it for me instead. That is another thing too. When I don't have time to go on my messengers then I don’t have any time whatsoever to post. I just started posting for about 1 hour last week on this one forum, but didn't get a chance to post again even once since then. The days need more hours. That’s the only way I will be able to restart my life and not create an even bigger backlog by collapsing from exhaustion. Someone told me that it was great that I am living life to the fullest, but I don’t see how he can say that. Everyday I wake up makes life worse. I can't stand the fact that I never get any sleep. Friday I kind of went delusional and started talking in French to my mom telling her that my stomach felt bad and I felt like puking. Then I collapsed onto her bed and feel asleep until she woke me up and helped me downstairs to go back to sleep instead of going to school. I have so much to do and I try to finish it all quickly but I can't seem to be able to do anything fast anymore because I have been slowing down seeing as I never sleep. I know that the best thing for me to do now is buckle down and do nothing but work until I feel as if I am getting my life back together and then I can have fun. Although the most fun I have had in the last month is yesterday when I went to see x-men with my friends. I felt relaxed… more so then I have in a while. It really was the first time I was able to just not have to deal why anything and not feel like my stomach was about to rip apart and I was about to burst into tears. I even turned off my cell during the movie so that any unexpected things could wait till later. Somehow I even stopped myself from worrying and was able to have FUN! I could breath… I could even… really laugh… and not just pretend. Well I do laugh at anyone who says that they admire me for the fact that no matter what I am always smiling. The truth is it's either I smile or I burst into tears… and I can't stand the way I look when I cry so no point in crying. I haven't even figured out everything that is going wrong right now, but it does seem as though Murphy's law applies to me too. Maybe later when I am in a happy mood, I will figure out how to fix everything. Bah I'm not going to bother rereading this to see if I sound pathetic of not. No point since I doubt anybody will read this whole thing anyway. Woo I have faith in this site ^_^
-Dark Lily 0>--}----
posted by Natty at 9:58 p.m.
<< Home